Gone Away
by Robyn2
Summary: After tragidy strikes on a normal mission, Hilde, and the Pilotes must come together to survive, and to realize what it truly means to live. 2xH


"Oh god why does this always have to happen to me

Okay this contains some serious angst and does mention and talk about suicide if this is a uncomfortable subject for you don't go any further, that goes for the lime in this story as well. Also I do not own gundam wing. If I did do you think that I would waste my time on my writings for fun? Nope I would be getting paid the big bucks, as it is if you sue me the only things that you are getting is my softball bat, and my glove although you can't have my dog. 

~~~

"Oh god why does this always have to happen to me?" Hilde whispers softly, her pain cracking her voice. Hanging up the phone she runs up the stairs, before throwing herself onto her bed, "oh god, why do they always leave me?" Tears practically choking her she sobs into her bed. He was gone the love of her life the one she had sworn would be her only one, forever and always. "Oh Duo why did you leave me?"

They had said that it would be a routine mission nothing new, something that could never go wrong in a million years, never. That was what they had said. But they were always wrong so wrong. The pain and the torment it had to end, someday soon it all would, now would be better than later. Sobbing incoherently into her pillows she screams, "GOD WHY DUO?"

__

"Okay" he had said his voice suspiciously quiet. Frowning softly Hilde watches from her position, in front of the counter arms crossed starring at the form that was trying to hide the caller from her. "I will be their tomorrow at noon. Ya its no problem later"

"Another mission?" She accuses when he had turned, finally, from the phone.

Looking up at her he hesitates "Yes" he says conforming her worst nightmare. Nodding softly she turns 'God why now? We are just getting our lives back together from the last mission…why?'

"Hilde?" He whispers coming up to stand behind her. Wrapping his arms around her he pulls her close, "It's okay Hilde Babe…I promise" 

Pushing him away she frowns "That is what they all say…during the war, then with Maramia they all say that. But how come it's never true? Then they never come back; I love you Duo you would have to be stupid not to know it…. But why can't we just live a normal life? I knew what I got myself into the moment that I helped you escape from the moon base" she hisses waving her arm in front of his face cutting of the remark that was coming, she knew it was it always did. "You're my everything and I don't know what I would do if I lost you…and yet I know one of these days you are going to leave, weather it is in 20 or 80 years you are…. There is nothing you or I can do to change that. I just don't want it to be in weeks or days; I don't want to lose you. And every time that you go on one of these missions you have that much more chance of leaving…so why do I not like them? Because if you go there goes my whole world!"

"Oh Hilde" he whispers his eyes going to a soft violet, the gentle deeps turning there full intensity on her. "I love you just as much, and I promise that I will never ever do anything on purpose that would take me away from you."

"I know Duo I know" she whispers turning the ring on her finger, they had been married for three years. And she loved him more every day, but the fear was there is always was.

"I am yours" he whispers softly "forever"

"And I am yours" she whispers back turning in his arms she pull his head down catching his lips with her own. Relaxing completely she sighs deeply. "Always" she whispers against his mouth. Tilting her head she deepens the kiss, tasting his mouth she groans while digging her hands into his hair at the nap of his next. Pulling away she inhales his scent while burrowing her face in the nape of his neck.

"God Duo why you to?" everyone had left her in her lifetime it was impossible to keep anyone to long. She was cursed, and she felt betrayed and wished with her whole heart that at this exact moment that she had never in her life been born, she could not handle it anymore. "You promised me you would never leave me," she cries

She had already tried suicide, but she could not make herself shoot herself. She had always hated guns, and figured if she could survive a war with guns than she could not for all the irony kill herself that way. So she had tried to stab herself in the stomach, she had gotten to the point where the knife was starting to hurt and had thrown it aside. Her stomach was the one spot in the world that she could not hurt, that was were her future children would have come from, and she could NOT make herself do that.

The next method on her list had been to slit her wrists and that had almost happened only, for the first time in her life she had been forced to realize that she was not the only one in her life.

__

Shutting the bathroom door she sighs softly. He was not home but she still had to be careful. Turning the lock she grins to herself the irony of it all was too much for her. She who had survived all the wars was going to go out and take her own life. 

Turning on the water she sighs 'Please don't let Duo come home' she had had enough of this life. A life where people were constantly leaving her and taking a piece of her heart with them. It had always been this way, all of her friends had gotten everything that they needed in life, a love, a home, and they always got what they wanted. Pretty dresses, clothes, and were the talk of the town not matter what they did. But it was never like that for her, always hidden in the shadows with no one to love her, no one to by her nice things. Moving along with her life she was tired of being left alone and left out. They had no idea of course that this was what they were doing; even Duo left her when there was some party. Pretty girls it seemed could be used against her in so many ways. They always left her for someone prettier someone with a bigger bust line and curvier hips. She could not take anymore, and so she was going to leave the world a world that no longer needed her. 

Taking out her knife she slowly lowered it to her wrist, making a clean cut. Pain and blood welled but she refused to cry out, reaching over to cut the other a knock at the door startles her causing her to drop the knife and for a curse to hit her. "Shit' she hisses, as it makes an anonymous clanking noise on the floor. 

In a louder voice she answers the knock while snatching it up. "Yes?" 

"Hilde are you okay in there?"

"UM yes Dou" she says while putting the knife on the other wrist causing another welt of blood to appear before it starts to gush. "What do you need?" she says as she starts to go dizzy, dizzy from watching the blood leave her. She was strangely unattached as if she were watching someone else's body bleed.

"Um…what was that dropping"

"My compact" she lies, as she owned no make-up 

"Let me in Hilde" he says in a commanding voice

"Shit" she hisses again…he knew, she didn't know how he knew but he did "Um I can't right now"

"Hilde babe let me in" he orders again. 

"NO" she retorts anger starting to seep in; 'just a few minutes if I can keep him busy for a few minutes.'

Suddenly he shuts up, leaving her in her quiet. Breathing a sigh of relief she shuts her eyes. She didn't want to watch just yet. Dizziness sweeping her again she gasps as she almost falls. Grabbing onto the side of the sink she smears the blood over the counter top, reaching over she runs a finger through it, it was her blood the color of scarlet clean and innocent if only she could be. 

A sudden click at the door was her only warning as the door suddenly bangs open. Looking up in shock she stares at the truly horrified Duo that was looking down at her in a mixture of shock and anger. "OH MY GOD HILDE" he yells before scooping her up in his arms. Grabbing to wash clothes he presses them down onto her wrists. 

Struggling against his strong arms she tried to break free "GOD DAMMIT Duo let ME GO!" she screams horrified that he had gotten in.

"Hilde stop struggling" he hisses pulling her tighter against him "If you think that I am going to sit here and let you kill yourself you have something else coming sweet heart" 

Kicking, screaming and biting him she tries to break free but to now avail all the while screeching "Let me go, Duo just let me die, I don't want to live anymore" 

"Then you are going to have to do it some other way" bracing her tighter against him he stands up heading for the kitchen. Reaching into one of the drawers he grabs some tape, before heading back towards his bedroom. Setting her down on the bed he sits down next to her once again grabbing her wrists. Realizing what he was going to do she starts to fight harder once again attempting to kick him. 

"Hilde" he warns softly "stop kicking its not going to help anything" Refuses to listen she screeches again kicking him hard. "Sorry babe but there is no other way" Reaching over he deftly lifts her slim form with one arm slipping his legs around her he pins her between them. Glaring at her he dares her to try to move. Glaring back she breathes hard before trying to wiggle out, only to realize that Duo had her pinned to tightly. "I can't breath" she hisses 

"Well if you would hold still and listen to reason then we would not have this problem." He retorts before grabbing her wrist. Wrapping her wrist with the wash cloth he tapes it firmly holding the wash cloth in place, before he repeats the process with the other wrist.

"Are you going to try to take it off?" he asks softly. Looking up into his eyes she shivers, shear anger was shinning out causing his normally cheerful eyes to turn hard and cold. Shaking her head softly, she feels him release her. "Why Hilde" he asks softly, anger still burning in his eyes as well as pain now. 

"I…I cant do this anymore" she whispers

"Do what?" he asks, turning her head away she just shakes her head, tears slipping down her checks. "Hilde" he whispers his own tears threatening to spill down his face "talk to me"

"I cant" 

"Yes you can love" he whispers gently, using his hand he gently forces her to look at him.

"I…" she hisses between her teeth trying to get more air into her lungs

"Hilde" he whispers softly "Trust me" blinking hard she stares into his eyes searching, for any type of rebuke or anger seeing none she nods slowly.

"I…" she takes a deep breath "Cant take it anymore all the pain…all the agony, everyone coming then leaving me. I just don't want to deal with it any more…why did you stop me Duo?"

"Because if you leave me then I will have lost the single most important thing in my life, you Hilde"

"You don't mean that" she whispers her head shaking violently "You need someone better than me Duo, a pretty girl who can give you everything that you want"

"What if your everything I want?" He questions softly a slight smile tugging at his lips

"Impossible" she retorts "I am nothing….nothing at all with nothing to offer in return."

"Let me be the judge of that" he replies softly smiling into her shocked eyes he kisses her forehead gently "Because you see I see the only thing I need right in front of me"

That had been the changing point in her life, and he had gotten a sworn promise that she would never try something like that again. Tears choking, her again, she sobs into her pillows. Sleep crowding in she succumbs to it willing the pain in her soul to leave.

Waking up Hilde sighs, that was until everything came rushing back to her and the tears started to come once again. Pain and torment were ripping through her heart and soul. 

__

Her Duo was dead

"OH god Duo why?" the phone ringing brought her to her feet, and to the phone. "Hello?" she answers. Relena's face coming on, seeing the gentle face of her friend she swallows hard.

"Oh god Hilde are you okay?"

"No" she whispers shaking her head tears coming to the fore again. 

"I am coming as soon as I can Hilde" she says pain showing on her face "Me and Noin will be there in a couple of hours, Catherine is coming tomorrow and the guys should be there within the hour. I gotta go to catch my plane I just thought that I would let you know we were coming" Nodding Hilde shakes her head as she cuts the connection. Nausea building up she heads for the bathroom was she loses the remaining food from the night before.

"Another thing Duo will never get to know about" she whispers to herself rubbing her belly.

Laying down on the couch in living room she feels the tears start to come back, forcing them down she tries to relax.

A few moments later, or it seemed to her, the door was being beaten down. Jumping up she groans, she had a massive headache from all the crying that she had been doing.

Reaching the door she opens it quickly to stop the noise that was coming to meet one of the saddest sights of her life. 

The guys were standing there looking as if they were going to their own funeral. Nodding at them she blinks back more tears before motioning them in. Leading the silent troop into the living room she motions them to sit down before taking Duo's favorite chair and curling into as close of a ball as she could get while watching the guys. 

Wufei looked thunder struck his already black eyes held more than just pain and he looked like he was crying from the puffiness of his eyes. Quatre looked no better only his eyes were red enough to rival the blood shot look in them and for once his clothes were rumpled and he had dark circles under his eyes. 

Looking across the room at the other chair she sighs softly. Trowa hiding behind his hair she could tell had a grief stricken look on his face. And the way his shoulders were slumped and the way his head hung told her all she needed to know. Looking across the room though towards the couch she saw the most pathetic sight of her life. Heero was sitting there looking at her as if she was going to jump up and blame him. His already rowdy hair looked as if it had not been washed and was hanging limply around his head. His normally cold eyes were held with more pain than even she felt she was sure. Hesitating for a second, she nods at him before opening her arms as a mother would for a hurt child. Immediately standing he sits down next to her on the huge chair and cries, not the cries of a child but of a man who has lost his best friend. Holding him to her she rocks him back and forth as he sobs, feeling her own tears burn in the back of her throat, succumbing to these once again she cries with him never noticing the nods of the other three before they stand and walk out. 

(At the funeral) 

They were all here, Hilde reflects sadly all whom Duo had ever touched in his life. She the gundams and Relena were on the front row, waiting for the minister to hurry and finish because they wanted to get out of there. 

'_Why are we here'_ looking at the sad and somber faces of her friends she shakes her head, she was out of tears as she had been crying for the last to three days _'He would not have wanted us to be sitting here like a bunch of pansy's_

"Hilde" Relena whispers from on side of her 

"Mmm…yes?" 

"It's your turn babe" she whispers. Nodding her thanks she stands and walks up to the pulpit, turning she looks down at he crowd but mostly at the group of people sitting in the first two rows, the people who meant the most to her and to Duo. Blinking back a sudden rush of tears she smiles wanly.

"You will all have to forgive me" she starts "I thought that I was done with crying but it seems I am not" Looking down at her friends again she meets Heero's eyes, eyes that gave her strength to continue much like Duo's had. 

__

'Now I know why Relena claims she followed him when they were younger because of his strength.' 

"Duo and I were married for three years" she starts again while looking over the crowed of people. There were no camera's or television people there at her request. People had wanted to be able to come to the funeral and even demanded there right to have the funeral of the great Gundam pilot but she had refused, and Relena had backed her up. One or two of the reporters who had been a little too pushy had dealt with Heero and Trowa. And so she was getting her quiet ceremony "And I like to think that they were the happiest times of his life. Because I know that they were mine. I will never forget him for he will always have a special place in my heart. As I know he will yours" her eyes catching Relena's she smiles tearfully trying not to cry. "Duo cared most for those he loved and would do anything in the world for those few chosen individuals, the ones who held his heart. Something that only a few were able to claim. It was because of this love and dedication that he is not with us today. I want to thank each and every one of you for everything that you have been able to do for him throw out his life and I thank you. Duo for the happiness that you have brought into mine" blowing a kiss to the coffin that carried his bruised and battered body she smiles tearfully" I love you always and forever" Walking back towards the other she squeezes Heero's hand as he walks by. It had been agreed on that only she and he would be talking, since they had been the closets to him.

Taking a deep breath he starts much as Hilde did.

"Duo was my best friend" he begins "and was always able to make me laugh. I did not always let him know, but I was laughing on the inside every time he pulled a trick or game. He was the bravest out of all of us because he never gave up. Optimism was something that he held dear and he was always ready for a good fight." Turning to smile at Hilde he continues "When he meet Hilde something happened to him, a new bounce and spark interred his life and it kept him going through the toughest times. Something that I always admired about them was there dedication. He never gave up on her or her him, of course they had their ups and downs but they always came through. Duo was a person who loved everyone and hated to see people frown, and so he always kept that smile there himself. To our friend, and loved one, Duo you will always hold your own in our hearts.

(Three month later) 

"Oh god Duo I need you" Hilde whispers softly. It had been three months since he had been killed and she was a balloon. "Twins" she hisses "are no freaken fun" she had moved to the earth to live with Relena and Heero who had gotten married a month ago. Hilde had played Duo's part during the wedding being one with all the jokes and riddles, but right now all she wanted was him. Heero had insisted that she move down here with them so he could take care of her for Duo. When she had refused he had pulled out all the stops even giving a puppy dog look. He said he owed it to Duo to make sure that she was okay, the only reason she had listened though was because she didn't want to mess with living by herself. 

Falling into a tired sleep she drifts off into a mist. 

__

"What the?" she hisses looking around

"Hilde" a voice whispers

"Uh what?" she mutters turning around "Who said my name?"

"I did" Duo says steeping out of the mist 

"Duo?" she whispers in shock. Could she already have forgotten his voice?

"Hilde I love you and I am with you always" Reaching down he rubs a finger gently down her face

"Oh Duo" she whispers "I need you so"

"I know babe" he says pain filling his gentle eyes "But I am always with you" putting his hand on her heart he continues "Here." 

Nodding softly she blinks back tears "Twins" she says indicating her pregnant state "And the way the jump I swear there you all over "A tender smile etches its way into his face.

"Oh my brave Hilde always thinking about me" frowning at something he sighs "I have to go soon promise me though you will let Heero and Relena take care of you please"

"But why" she whispers "I can take care of myself"

"I know babe but we promised each other that we would if one of us ever died and he feels responsible"

"Alright" she whispers softly 

"I have to go" he whispers already starting to fade "I love you Hilde always and forever, you are my soul"

(50 years later)

A much older Hilde walks slowly down the path that she had walked for years. "Oh such a pretty day" she smiles. Her eldest had gotten married finally a month ago, one-year after his twin brother Heero. Duo's wife was lovely and they were happy together. Life complete for her she was ready to relax and sit back. Sitting down on her bench she grins. It was the type of day that Duo had always loved one that she loved with him. Leaning her head back she yawns she was always so tired these days. 

__

"Hilde its time" Duo whispers once again coming out of the fog.

"Already?" she whispers "Life is so short I never would have guessed"

"You don't have to come now" he whispers his eyes dark with pain

"No she whispers I am tired of waiting" nodding he looks into her eyes as if trying to read everything there. Taking her hand he suddenly smiles "I love you Hilde babe"

"And I love you" she replies "You are my soul always and forever"

Looking over she smiles at all the faces grinning at her from the mists, friends who had already lost their lives to the causes of peace and those who had died of old age. Catching Heero's eyes she grins they were all her together at least. "Lets go home ne?" She whispers causing Duo's eyes to widen before he whips around 

"Heero Yuy just what language have you taught her all these years? Ne? Ne? you were supposed to look after her not let her pick up your annoying traits!"

Shaking her head she shuts him up with a kiss. "Come on" she whispers a moment later "You to can argue about this later"

Nodding her smiles at her before shooting a glare at Heero's smirk over her head.

"Ladies and gentlemen it is reported that peace advisor Hilde Maxwell died late this afternoon. She was said to have been found in the gardens of the Yuy mansion with a look of complete peace about her. She was the last of the famous Peacekeepers to go, as the gundams and Relena Peacraft her brother and his wife have already left this world. We shall sorely miss them all." The news reporter says softly into his mike. 

Comments? Questions? I think I got all of my typos now for sure, if there are any more I apologize, and blame my spell check its evil.


End file.
